How to help your child cope with bullying and aggression

Does your child come home from school with unexplained cuts and bruises, with clothes torn and belongings missing? Has the child started stammering, wets the bed or has bouts of anxiety? Is he suffering from low self esteem? Does he suddenly hate going to school or playgrounds? Does he seem afraid or depressed? Has he complained about "mean kids" in school? If your child has exhibited any of these signs, it is time to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him about bullying.

Make your child tell the complete story and let him know that he has your full support and love. Never shrug off his fears as trivial, inconsequential or illogical. While we don't want our children to turn into whiners, juvenile fears are something very real and if they are not addressed appropriately, they can leave a lasting impact on a child's psyche. He may feel unloved, unimportant or even suicidal. 

Help your child recognize and value his positive qualities and the chances are that he will be less affected by the bully's taunts. Children who exude confidence and self assurance are less likely to be harassed or victimized by bullies.

If it is mild teasing like being called "fatty", "specky"' or "rabbit', then this situation is relatively easy to remedy. Such bullying, in fact, can provide an impetus for your child to work towards better self grooming and personal care. Boost your child's self esteem by telling him that he is not the only one who can have weight issues, who wears glasses or has protruding teeth.

Children who are physically weak or obese can benefit from aerobic, swimming and karate lessons. If cost is not an issue then enroll your child in these classes and it will do wonders for his personality.

Bullies usually like to pick on loners and the friendless so children moving in groups are more difficult to prey upon.

Some children allow themselves to become the butt of everyone's jokes under the pretext of friendship. They are afraid that they will be friendless if they say no to their aggressive and domineering buddies. They allow their friends to take their lunch, money, toys and other belongings rather than stand up to them. This is again a matter of low self esteem that allows others to prey upon their weakness. Talk to your child about learning to assert himself and stand up for his rights.

Sometimes a child can face a situation where the school bully forcefully takes away lunch or stationary items and money or likes to inflict physical harm. In such a scenario, notify the school authorities and demand that action must be taken immediately. The students can be made to sit apart and the recess privileges of the offender can be taken away until his behaviour improves.

Unfortunately, sometimes it is not a fellow student who is guilty of intimidating his peers. Bullying by teachers can be a deliberate attempt to pick one student and humiliate him constantly in front of his peers to establish control. As parents, we must imbue in our children the right balance between being assertive and being respectful. Children should know that it is all right to make mistakes or ask questions in the classroom and it is wrong for a teacher to single him out frequently and heap negative remarks over him.

A staff member who has supervisory duties can perversely employ bullying as a means to enforce discipline or just enjoy the power they hold over the students. It is very difficult for a young child to decide when a teacher crosses the line between being strict and being a bully but as a parent look out for the tell tale sigs. Any bruises, slaps or corporal punishments from a teacher must be reported to the school at once. Visit the school authorities and impress upon them to have a zero tolerance policy towards bullying. 

If the school authorities are guilty of turning a blind eye towards their students' or teachers' misdemeanours and turn a deaf ear to your concerns, try to rope in other parents as well  If there is pressure from many concerned parents, school administration will be forced to act.